Tagliata at home.

I just marinaded some rump steak in olive oil, balsamic vinegar, soy sauce, Worcester sauce, lemon juice and with a bit of salt and pepper. Just cut the vacuum-seal bag open, added these ingredients, and closed the bag tightly around the steak so it’s well covered with marinade.  Then just popped it in the fridge. In 6 hours time, I’ll take it out to get to room temperature, sear it over a sizzling hot fire for a few minutes each side, then off for a few minutes to rest, then slice it evenly and spread on a platter topped with some Parmesan shavings and rocket… olive oil, salt & pepper -  it’s going to be a beauty!

That’s how easy it is to make a good steak at home. All in all, about three minutes to make, ten minutes (tops) to cook and another two to dress. 15 minutes!! So simple. It’s amazing people bother with any other rub, sauce, marinade or anything else. I would normally use fillet. Good fillet, marinaded overnight then seared medium-rare and served at room-temp (or cold) topped with Parmesan and rocket, is amazing. It’s a dish called Tagliata, one that I first encountered as a barman ten years ago at Constantia Uitsig restaurant. No not ‘tagliatelle,’ the pasta. Tagliata. La Perla do a shitty version. Il Leone does a good one. But now, you can do one at home. Enough said.

The Hussar Grill.

There are times when you really feel like a great steak. And then there are times when you don’t: when you’re asleep; when you’ve just had a great steak; when you’re ill or when you’re doing a ‘vegetarian day’ to impress a girl. But otherwise, a great steak is ALWAYS appreciated. Anyone that tells you otherwise isn’t a real friend and is probably only pretending so they can get at your sister/girlfriend/mom. One time you certainly will want a steak is when you’ve had too many Corona‘s in the sun at your friends’ engagement drinks at The Grand Beach and followed this with a couple bottles of Rosé and now you’re really hungry and it’s almost ten o’clock on a Sunday and you realise you’re actually more than hungry – you’ve got the craving. So it was at this point someone suggested The Hussar in Greenpoint, and off we went. Rather quickly, after paying R500 for 8 shots of Patron Tequila, which I thought were a good idea at the time. Damn my parents for that Hedonism gene they gave me.

The Hussar is legendary in Cape Town. There are three of them (Rondebosch, Greenpoint & Camps Bay) and despite a bit of negative publicity last year about their Wild Boar Ribs just being regular pig ribs, the Hussar is still much-loved. Why? The place looks like a steakhouse should, with shelves of wine bottles, faded black & white photographs of butchers with their meat and of previous proprietors, plenty of stained wood and of course, tables set with steak knives so big and sharp they could make chainsaws extinct. They also have large goblets to gulp down bottles of red wine in. And this is good, because you can bring your own wine here – at NO COST. Yup, they don’t charge corkage at The Hussar, which is somewhat counter-intuitive since most restaurants make their money here, but hey, nobody is complaining. We didn’t have wine on us, so drank some Zandvliet Shiraz which is exceptionally tasty and smooth, though needed ten minutes in the ice bucket to cool a bit.

The Hussar also – and this bit is rather important – serves rather good steaks. Their Fillet Bernaise is tender, flavourful (for fillet) and they cook it to perfection (medium rare comes medium rare!) which so many other places get wrong. Their Chateaubriand is also recommended. As is the Hollandse Beefstuk. Though a plain sirloin with sauce on the side doesn’t nearly match up to HQ (I tried this once just to compare). However, their Spare Ribs are a wonderful, finger-licking mess of tasty charred barbecue pork ribs that you really should try. Go for the 800g option, since there are bones in there after all.Only once I’d turned the lovely white napkin into a brown and black smeared war blanket, I discovered there were warm moist hand towels available. Typical.

It was rather quiet on a Sunday night, but service was spot on and we didn’t have to wait long for anything. And we got parking right outside the front door, which is both good (you don’t have to walk far) and bad (struggling to get into your car after eating so much is embarrassing).

www.hussargrill.com

Nelson’s Eye.

I love a good steak. In fact, a few weeks ago I realised I ate four steaks in one 5-day period (as well as three hamburgers!), which was promptly followed by several weeks of fasting from red meat (I don’t count pork as red meat, and lamb is kinda reddish, but really, not so red, right?). That was hard, since really I do love a good steak.

I think Carne and HQ are leading the steak race in Cape Town right now. And I used to think Nelson’s Eye would always have a place as the old school steakhouse. But after eating there recently, I’m not so sure. After visiting the Steakhouse 2.o (a very apt term from JP Rossouw) champions, going to Nelson’s Eye is like getting in a Volksie Beetle after cruising in a new Audi. Yes, it’s rustic, quirky, somewhat charming and does the job, but the experience isn’t half as enjoyable or satisfying.

I usually go for the Hollandse Beefstuk, but this time I ate the T-bone. I’ve had better steak at an office braai before. The Bearnaise sauce it came with was also closer to Cross & Blackwell Mayonnaise than anything else. I’m not saying all their steaks are this bad, but if this one left the kitchen, the chances are very good there are plenty more sad cuts of meat heading to other unsuspecting diners too. Which would be quite befitting of the equally poor French fries and the gooey creamed spinach (I swear they use maizena in this – unforgiveable).

Look, I like the idea of an old steakhouse, withe decor unchanged for 40 years, locals having a drink at the bar and a mix of regulars and steak-lovers dining at old tables with chunky wineglasses and Burgundy-coloured napkins. The quirky charm of these sorts of places, like here or The Wooden Shoe, can be an enjoyable experience – if the steak is good. But at Nelson’s Eye, like the restaurant itself, the quality of food is dated. This was acceptable 30 years ago. People didn’t know better. But they do now.

My suggestion is they close the kitchen and make money as a museum. I’d rather pay to attend “Nelson’s Eye Restaurant Museum: See the steakhouse of yesteryear!”

www.tooldschooltohaveawebsitesoforgetaboutit.co.za

Chapman’s Peak Hotel Restaurant.

It’s possibly one of the best-located restaurants in Cape Town, and even with Chapman’s Peak Drive closed so frequently (I get the sense it’s been closed more than it’s been open the last decade) it’s worth heading out to Hout Bay to sit on the terrace here. The faintest hint of sunshine and the place hums on a Sunday afternoon. A lot of Hout Bay locals (easily identified by the ‘Republic of Hout Bay’ stickers on their cars) are there. And the biker crowd too, though thankfully not the fully-leathered racing Kawasaki idiots, but the more genteel Triumph-riding kind. And then an assortment of families, the younger crowd and also the wealthier middle-aged daytrippers taking their Porche’s out for a spin (amazing how the Porche drivers always get out-front parking). All in all, it’s a pretty relaxed setting, so the mixed clientele works just fine.

They’re probably not there for the food, which is a surf ‘n turf mix that isn’t going to inspire much in anyone with a tip of culinary interest on their tongue. They have a decent list of steak options, but the steak I’ve tasted here has never been anything noteworthy. Their seafood is better, but quality is inconsistent across the dishes. Prawns are a winner. Battered linefish not-so-good. What really brings me back is their calamari. Served in a black frying pan accompanied by chips (or veg or rice – who the crap chooses rice with their calamari though?!), this dish is a classic. The tartare sauce is terrible, so best squeeze the lemon juice and get stuck in. This is not a dish approved by the Heart Foundation, so I also highly recommend you order a pint of Stella Artois to help wash the grease down.

Sadly the service is also always erratic here, and they seem to excel at employing too few people to deal with the busy Sunday afternoon shift. Our waitress last time was named Honey, which also raised a few eyebrows: normally referring to a waitress as “Honey” is something popular in very few places outside of Brackenfel. Either way, the service situation needs some work and this is important here since guests should be looking at the waves in the bay rather than for the waitress. Not a great restaurant, but a great Cape Town location. I’ll still come back – just for the calamari though.

www.chapmanspeakhotel.co.za

HQ.

HQ has attracted a lot of attention since opening, in no small part due to the fact that it serves one thing: salad, sirloin and chips. I heard about this about six months prior to their opening and had a big chuckle, thinking that this wouldn’t fly in Cape Town. Yes, it’s based on L’Entrecote, the Parisian brasserie that serves the same single menu, but this is not Paris. Capetonians generally like several choices of steak and a number of cream-based sauces to smother it in, something I really detest. If a cut of meat is good enough, it really shouldn’t need much accompaniment. They get it right in the states, where the best steakhouses serve Porterhouse steaks for two, cut and served at the table, with the butter it’s cooked in spooned over it. If you ever get to New York, go check out Peter Luger Steakhouse, which has a wall showing “Best Steakhouse of the Year” plaques for the last 20 years or so.

Anyways, back to HQ. The place has a very cool urban, industrial chic interior with a leather-clad bar area offering cocktails and big sofas to enjoy them on. There’s a good-sized fireplace too, which is a big draw. And bonus, the bar serves Jack Black on tap. The only thing not befitting is the space-age looking pendent lights suspended from the ceiling. The restaurant area is all perfect brasserie style though: red leather banquet seats, brownpaper-covered tables, floating balloon lights and an exposed kitchen where one can see the two chefs in action. Kitchen is actually a bit of a stretch, since it’s really just a grill station, which is all that’s required when you’re making one dish.

After eating several meals there, I think HQ works. The salad is very simple, but is meant to be more of a palate cleanser than a starter course, so this is how it should be. The chips are as good as they get in Cape Town. And the sirloin is very, very tasty, especially with the Cafe de Paris butter. Not too strong like most sauces- complimentary rather than supplementary. You’ll love it, if you like sirloin that is. Many people prefer the tenderness of fillet over the flavour of sirloin, and mark the restaurant down for this. But sirloin, especially this free-range stuff, is always going to have a bit of sinew and will never be as soft as fillet. But the flavour is richer and far superior. Once you understand this, you open yourself up to experience steak nirvana.

The wine list is very small, but I guess this fits in with the focused dining experience. Staff have been accused of a lack of wine knowledge, and I’ve experienced this too. The restaurant can also become unbearably loud on Friday nights, when the bar area hosts a DJ and half of the Cape Town party set. This can be great fun if you’re there for drinks and to chat to all the single ladies, but an intimate dinner would be impossible. They’ve got a bit of stick for this, with people complaining they become more like a nightclub than a restaurant. I’ve had this experience in Las Vegas, and it was quite a blast when the restaurant became the VIP section of the club at a certain point in the night. But I guess if you’re not expecting this, you’re going to be surprised and potentially annoyed. It’s not like they have dancers in cages though. Mmm, there’s an idea.

Overall, dining at HQ is a great steak experience, as good as I’ve had in Cape Town. There are the old Cape Town classics like Nelson’s Eye and the Hussar Grill, which fall into the old-school steakhouse mould and will always be around. Carne is probably the closest competitor to HQ, though not with their sirloin, which pales in comparison.

HQ. A ballsy restaurant that works, whether Cape Town is ready for it or not.

www.hqrestaurant.co.za

Caveau.

I have a soft spot for Caveau. And I’m talking about the original Heritage Square outpost here. Perhaps my favourite restaurant in Cape Town, it is a bit of a love-hate relationship. On the Love side, there’s the food. Their tapas are delicious. Crispy prawns with sweet chili. Beef cubes with bernaise. lamb samoosas. Pan-fried baby octopus. Fish goujons. Sometimes there is the odd dish on the menu that seems a little out of place (they once had quesadilla’s going. wtf?), but in general the tapas are great.

The mains – no tapas served at lunch – are almost always perfect. The tapas can be simpler, yet no less tasty, but since they only serve about four or five mains at dinner they really make these gourmet dishes, true haute cuisine. I’ve had great lamb shank, beef fillet with bernaise, eisbein, grilled kingklip, roast pork belly, veal cutlets, various risottos and tons more. I’ve had some great meals there, really. Not to mention the great meat- and cheese-platters. And the steak tartares. And one-off items I’ve yet to see again. I once had a 1997 Rust en Vrede Estate blend with a Cote du Boeuf the size of Schalk Burger’s hand.* The wines are another story. And I’ve had some truly fantastic wines there.

They introduced me to Grenache Blanc in South Africa. I’ve tasted verticals of Hamilton Russell Chardonnay, magnums of vintage Meerlust Rubicon, my first taste of Waterford’s The Jem. I’ve sampled hundreds of wines here, thanks to the owners’ generosity that compels them to share with regular visitors. In fact, of the wine I’ve consumed in restaurants over the last two years, probably half was at Caveau. And we’re not talking cheap ‘n cheerful wines here. But that’s where the Hate side comes in. I always seem to leave the restaurant having spent a small fortune. It’s not that they’re overly expensive, though they are a pricey establishment. It’s just that I seem to unrelentingly spend obscene amounts of money here. And i’m not the only one. I have friends who complain about the same thing.

But we all keep coming back. And often! Which says a lot about the quality of the place. And aside from the food and the wine, there is an atmosphere that wins me over every time I’m there. I can’t remember not having a great time with friends at this restaurant. I’m sure the debaucherous nature of our visits has a role to play. But it’s the whole experience that makes Caveau a winner. Perhaps the winner.

www.caveau.co.za

* – There were several of us that night we ate the Cote du Boeuf and drank several bottles of delicious wine. At one point, a friend was feeling overly full, if a little intoxicated. Her boyfriend helped her to his car outside – right outside the front door – where she sat in the passenger seat to rest for a while. As he walked back the stairs she vomited a little onto the street, then closed the door and lay back to sleep. He gazed at the her a moment, then came inside and returned to the table to finish off his steak and rejoin the festivities. True commitment to his meal!