Bacon Is The New Black.

There is a t-shirt, therefore it is true. Nothing else to say, really.

Thanks to Nicola for the pic, taken on the streets of NYC I presume.

Bacon Porn.

“Oh shit!”

That’s all that needs to be said…

To all you bacon fiends, have a crispy dripping-with-goodness streaky bits of glory day.

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*pic courtesy wellfound.tumblr.com

Good Bacon. Bad Bacon.

Arty Bacon.

Hot bacon.

Inked bacon.

Strawberry bacon?

Disrespected bacon.

Refreshing bacon.

Free-range bacon (the best kind).

Kevin Bacon.

Makin’ bacon.

Bad bacon = Turkey bacon.

It’s my birthday, that’s all I got for you… bacon.

My Last Meal.

I’m not sure how many of you have thought about your last meal, but I’m sure a few have. The very last meal you get to eat on earth, what would you choose? It’s a toughie. Well, it was for me, until a good friend emailed me this beauty. Ladies and gentlemen, lovers of swine and pursuers of pork, may I present the Whole Hog Menu from B&B Ristorante in Las Vegas.

It’s brought to you by US celebrity chef Mario Batali, the true Lord of Bacon and oversized orange Croc-wearing pony-tailed ginger behind my favourite expression, “Wretched excess is barely enough.” Let’s just have a look on there, what do we have… (Cue the holy-angels-harmonising-from-above sounds) Pig Tail – check. Prosciutto – check. Pork loin – check. Cotecchino (giant pig sausage) – check. Porchetta di Testa (deboned pigs head marinated for a couple days, then rolled up and roasted) – check.

Holy crapballs! Kill me now, but let me eat this all before.

(Mario “Lord of Bacon” Batali. The man has no style, but he can cook pig like a God.)

Vegas has become another dining capital in the US, with pretty much the entire Cooking Channel of celebrity chefs having their own restaurants. Some more than one. I ate at the Rum Jungle when I was there a few years back (cue Swingers clip: “Vegas, baby! Vegas!”). There wasn’t any Butcher’s Ragu Rigatoni, but they did clear the tables away at 11pm and the entire place turned into a heaving nightclub. But that’s another story.

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ps – thanks for the menu Molly!

Personality Goes A Long Way.

Vincent (John Travolta): Want some bacon?
Jules (Samuel L. Jackson): No man, I don’t eat pork.
Vincent: Are you Jewish?
Jules: Nah, I ain’t Jewish, I just don’t dig on swine, that’s all.
Vincent: Why not?
Jules: Pigs are filthy animals. I don’t eat filthy animals.
Vincent: Bacon tastes gooood. Pork chops taste gooood.
Jules: Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I’d never know ’cause I wouldn’t eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That’s a filthy animal. I ain’t eat nothin’ that ain’t got enough sense enough to disregard its own faeces.
Vincent: How about a dog? Dogs eats its own feces.
Jules: I don’t eat dog either.
Vincent: Yeah, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal?
Jules: I wouldn’t go so far as to call a dog filthy but they’re definitely dirty. But, a dog’s got personality. Personality goes a long way.
Vincent: Ah, so by that rationale, if a pig had a better personality, he would cease to be a filthy animal. Is that true?
Jules: Well we’d have to be talkin’ about one charmin’ motherfuckin’ pig. I mean he’d have to be ten times more charmin’ than that Arnold on Green Acres, you know what I’m sayin’?

A bit of bacon hatin’ by Samuel L. Jackson, but still one of the best bits of movie dialogue around, and not only ‘cos they talk about bacon. Don’t you like the idea of “one charmin’ motherfuckin’ pig?” Quality. Pretty random, but quality nonetheless.  Enjoy the rest of your Monday then.

Bacon art.

There are some pretty crazy people out there. People that do mad stuff they regret for years to come. I don’t think any of these people regret these tattoos. I think they wear them with pride and show anyone that cares to look. In fact, they show anyone whether they care to look or not. I like the fork-through-the-heart vibe going on, and the rashers too, but the pig cuts, well, let’s just say don’t show me that outside a tattoo parlour after I’ve had too many drinks. Oink.

(Thanks to @Bubbalubs for the equation one.)

Table Thirteen.

Popped in here earlier this week. Always forget about it since it’s tucked away on a side road in Greenpoint, but have enjoyed every visit. Worth seeking out if you haven’t been. The vibe inside is a sort of casual opulence – think dark shades, white marble, mismatched chairs and chandeliers. The crowd is usually a mix of moneyed housewives and plenty of business folk, the latter making sense given the surrounding buildings. They serve some delicious warm lunch dishes that change daily and are written up in chalk on the wall, and a menu focused on breakfasts and sandwiches. They also have a table overloaded with freshly made pastries and cakes to tempt the sweet tooth.

But forget all this. You only need to know about one thing at Table Thirteen: the open breakfast sandwich of poached eggs, bacon, slow-roasted tomatoes and rocket. This little bit of egg & bacon love is undoubtedly one of the best breakfast sandwiches in Cape Town. Perfect for a Friday too. You’ll also pick up this useful bit of information on the wall to help you ease into the weekend…

Table Thirteen. Victoria Junction (entrance on Ebenezer Rd). 021 418 0739.

The Bacon Croissant Competition.

The nice folks at Eat In magazine hosted a bacon croissant competition this morning. And they asked me and a couple other foodies to help judge. Now for someone who’s idea of the perfect croissant is one with bacon in it, you can imagine the salivating that was going on from when I woke up this morning to when I made it to their offices on Bree Street. I basically needed a bib.

Sadly there were only three croissants to judge from, though I think our arteries pumped a sigh of relief. But you can’t really qualify the result as the ‘be all and end all of bacon croissant quality’ in Cape Town. And one of the three happened to not have bacon in it, a sad oversight in an otherwise good croissant. But, hey stick three croissants in front of me and I’m not going to complain. Especially when one of them is from Jardine Bakery, who tied on appearance (with the Taj) but cleaned up on the taste and texture categories and was the overwhelming winner. What a great start to the day, and hopefully Eat In will host a few more contests with more entrants in the future.

Note: Croissants have a varied origin, depending on who you believe. Apparently though, they have nothing to do with mysterious war victories or the crescent on the Turkish flag. The real origin appears to be an Austrian baker in Paris in the early 1800′s. Regardless of where the croissant originates, there is no doubt it is the most famous French pastry in the world. Can you name any pastry more famous? I can’t. And when they taste this good, who needs anything else.

Another note: several croissants died in the writing of this article.

The Bacon Prayer.

One swine, which art in heaven,

hallowed be thy name;

thy bacon hath come;

frying will be done,

in earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And prepare us our sandwich,

a BLT feeds those whose hunger concerns us.

And lead us not into vegetarianism;

but deliver us from this evil.

[For thine is the crackling,

the ham, or the belly,

for ever and ever.]

Jamon.

Nook. (Stellenbosch)

Nook eatery is cool. I was heading to another deli in Stellenbosch when I parked outside it by chance. It was the blackboard on the pavement with ‘home baked croissants’ that got my eye. Then the simple, neutral tones inside. And I had surfboards on my car, so thought maybe best to be in eye contact. Either way, I’m really glad I stopped in. Nook Eatery is a cool spot. How cool? Like Scandanavian design cool. Monocle magazine cool. Persol cool. That cool. The place get’s it all right: a great breakfast selection, including blueberry flapjacks and homemade granola; superb coffee and a decent lunch buffet with the coup de grâce, homemade chicken pies. Ooh, you shouldn’t have.

But forget all that for a moment. Just the fact that the first three songs I heard when I sat down were from the Juno soundtrack, Kings of Convenience and Death Cab for Cutie made this place. Then the well-made flat white. Then there were the perfectly cooked scrambled eggs. So many places cook scrambled eggs so hard you could drop-kick them out the door. Ugh! Nook gets it perfect – and the bacon crisped just right.

Quirky art, a selection of magazines, old farmhouse memorabilia, booth seating, blah, blah, blah…  Okay, the crowd is typical Stellenbosch mixed: a few old farmer types, some perky students and some overdressed housewives. This isn’t Jardine Bakery, folks. No wayfarers around here. Or skinny jeans. But I suspect it might change. A place this cool can only go unnoticed for so long.

Nook Eatery. www.nookeatery.co.za