Friday night’s WE ♥ REAL BEER festival was insane. Yes, there were loads of people. Too many. But there was tons of fun. And awesome beers. Hilarious moments. Sticky flip-flops. Broken glasses. Lager-stained t-shirts. A standard assortment of madness, really. Though if you weren’t launched, I reckon you wouldn’t enjoy it.
Needless to say I had a great time.
Something new this time was the choice of beer glass. Instead of the previous and typical conical pint glass, we got big tankards, with thick glass handles. Similar to the kind of thing you’d get at a medieval tavern. They presented a whole bunch of different ways to hold, which, if you’re a philosophical deep-thinking highly intellectual contemplative academic beer drinker like me, you can use to get a hold on the drinker…
The Standard. Four fingers inside, thumb securing on top. Preferred method by professionals. Reveals responsibility and signs of maturity. A doer, not a talker. Trustworthy. Level-headed when sober. Likes craft beer. Hates bullshit.
The Hang-Ten. Made popular by Ohlssons-drinking surfers in the 70′s. Easy-going drinker. Mellow. Enjoys a bit of reggae. Glass half-full kinda person. Chilled, but vicious if you try steal a sip. Likes music festivals. Hates politics.
The Hard-Man. Pinky finger floating under handle shows independence. And a challenge. A take-it-or-leave-it kinda drinker. Strong worded. Stronger armed. “I only need four fingers to hold this beer. I could fuck you up with just my pinky.” Likes Bruce Springsteen. Hates Amelie.
The Text. Someone that likes to connect. Communicates well. Extroverted. Claw technique offers unparalleled flexibility to hold beer and cellphone while speed-typing an SMS, Facebook post or twitter message. “So much awesomeness at @weloverealbeer #drunk #wahoooeey!” Likes Blackberry’s. Hates signal loss.
The Nugget. Double hand technique offers maximum tankard security. Holds onto their beer like it’s the last nugget of gold on earth. Problems with trust. Introverted. Doesn’t like strangers or crowds. Very wise though. And understanding. Likes security villages. Hates the mall.
The Thumb Master. Thumb-over the rim of the glass technique for added control when drinking. Drinker plays a lot of Master of The Thumbs. Can be found at Vida, thumb on table, waiting for someone to notice and do same. Playful. Enjoys a good romantic comedy. Likes drinking games. Hates white wine.
The Spread. Open-plan finger technique gives sense of ‘playing it cool.’ Laughs a lot. But can be serious. Enjoys the good things. But everything in order. Spontaneous. Uses the word ‘kiff’ a lot. Likes the beach. Hates angry people.
The Smash. Seldom seen technique more commonly seen in Northern Ireland and dodgy pubs outside Boksburg. Broken glass not highly efficient for beer drinking, but allows the drinker to show toughness to comrades. Someone with inner and outer strength. Enjoys a few pints. And then some. Not shy of a battle. Likes concrete bar counters. Hates bouncers.
The Waiter. Scoop technique allows beer to rest in palm of hand, like a tray. High-risk method. Danger of spillage 8/10. Someone that lives on the edge. Adventurous. Wild. Unpredictable. But very loyal. Likes roadtrips. Hates cubicles.
The Catapult. Swings the glass over clenched fist into face, beer ending in mouth (hopefully). Extremely risky. Liable to spill on clothing. Someone that is either very creative, or launched off their face. Impressive skills. Results uncertain. But always willing to give it a shot. Likes parties. Hates closing time.
The Clench. Another rarely seen technique, clenching the glass between the teeth to allow the hands to be completely free. Useful when having to carry large amounts of beer. Or when extremely lazy. Or wasted. A little bit crazy. Prone to letting out wolf howls randomly. Likes a good time. Hates haters.
I was lucky enough to be invited out to the Old Mac Daddy hotel recently. Rather than waste your Monday with long boring stories on how much fun I had, here’s the lowdown: 7 reasons why you should book yourself in for a stay.
It’s like being in Sweden. Now you don’t need to go to Sweden to get a Scandinavian holiday complete with beautiful pine ski-lodge. Old Mac Daddy’s restaurant and bar with outside deck is like the Cape’s very own ski lodge. You might be disappointed if you’re waiting for snow (or ski slopes), but otherwise it’s the real deal. If you’re feeling racy, just go mountain biking down the nearest hill. They’ll even provide the bikes.
They’re in the Elgin Valley. It’s perhaps the most strangely undiscovered piece of country real estate outside of Cape Town. Apple and pear orchards, vineyards, rolling green hills and mountains on all horizons. Why isn’t this place packed with little country restaurants, B&B’s, pubs etc?
The Old Mac has Land Yachts. Vintage Airstream trailers. And when you’re sitting in the deck in front of them, wind whistling through the pine trees, it kind of feels like you’re on a boat. Without the sea sickness.
These trailers have names like For Better Or Boerewors. You see, it’s brought to you by the Daddy’s World folk. This means good design and cool touches. Like the SMEG refrigerators in each trailer (stocked with complimentary drinks). And a unique and quirky interior design for each trailer too. Mine, which happened to be For Better Or Boerewors, was decked out in classic old school South African paraphernalia. Think Ouma Rusks duvet covers, that sort of thing.
The restaurant serves great burgers and has a wood-fired pizza oven. Since Elgin doesn’t have many places to eat (aside from the excellent fine-dining restaurant at South Hill), this is your best chilled eating option. They source everything they can locally to support the regional farmers, and naturally that means they’ve got good wines too. Bonus is you don’t have to be a guest, you can just pull in for lunch here anytime you’re in the valley.
They’re very tolerant. Yes, everything in moderation, but in reality when you’re away for a weekend (in Sweden!) you want to cut loose a little. They don’t mind you taking pictures while pretending to be midgets in the bar area after dinner. Tolerant, very tolerant.
Everybody smiles. It’s not a 5-star hotel, but the staff are amazing, friendly and the overall service is superb. It ranks up there with my experiences at top 5-star hotels in the Cape countryside.
Believe me, you want to experience this place, and with summer around the corner, now’s the time to make a plan. For bookings and all the important information, visit oldmacdaddy.co.za.
Reuben made slow-cooked pork leg, served in thin slices with horseradish & greens. Bertus made some amazing scotch eggs, as well as a stroganoff-like stew with dumplings. Margot made pig kidney bitterballen with mustard. Laurent made a pig cheek curry and Pete made a slow-smoked BBQ pork shoulder, cooked in his space-age Monolith smoker/braai. That’s Reuben Riffel, Bertus Basson (Overture), Margot Janse (Le Quartier Francais), Laurent Deslandes (Bizerca) and Pete Goffe-Wood. Some of the biggest names in SA kitchens. Cooking in one room. Putting on a swine feast. And that’s including Neil Jewell (Bread & Wine) and Chris Erasmus (Pierneef a La Motte), who also put on a show.
But it wasn’t about them. It wasn’t about their dishes. It was about the pig.
One pig, divided by six top chefs. Well, seven, with Pete in the mix too, even though he was part-organiser, together with Men’s Health magazine (the entire brainchild being Tudor Caradoc-Davies & Jason Brown’s). The pig was from Green Oaks farm in the Hemel-en-Aarde. Pasture-raised, healthy and happy until it was almost a year old and at 90kg got the chop. Chefs aren’t as passionate about any other meat as they are for pig, let’s be honest. They spoke with wild fervour about the texture of the meat, the marbling and, of course, the taste. The kind of thing only a totally pasture-raised animal would elicit in these talented chefs. The never shy Pete spoke out about how ‘those fuckers protesting against foie gras should get out and go look at how battery chickens are raised and stop harassing the few folk feeding geese a bit much.’ We were privileged to be there, to eat such high quality meat cooked by such celebrated chefs.
It was great eating. We demolished plate after plate of food. We gorged on beers from &UNION and wines from Luddite (these disappeared fast) and Boekenhoutskloof. I snuck out early, but have a pretty certain feeling people stayed until late, sinking wines and telling tales. Sure, I felt great when I woke up this morning, but I’m kind of sad I didn’t stay and get stuck in. Some hangovers are always worth it. This would’ve been one of them.
Peet Pienaar’s first ever Toffie Food Festival is this weekend. It’s going to be, like anything else the man does, very unusual, very stimulating and definitely good fun. The man who was once a performance artist and is currently responsible for The President design company, behind kick-ass designs for brands like Tribeca Coffee, Badenhorst Family Wines, etc, appears to be endlessly creative. As part of this festival, he has staged a weekly secret supper club. Hosted in the top floor of his office building, Pienaar cooked the meals himself, which when I ate included a mixed pie bag of snacks, amazing veal brain ravioli and a glow-in-the-dark dessert course with blacklight marker pens, which we used to graffiti each other.
Anyways, his food festival is this Saturday and Sunday. It includes exibitions, a market, talks by some interesting folk (including Julie Powell of Julie & Julie fame), more secret dinners and a big braai on the Sunday. The whole deal isn’t inexpensive at R1,500 a ticket, but as mentioned, is bound to be very worthwhile with Peet at the helm. You can also just visit the market and exhibitions for R50 per day, which seems a good deal.
So yes, I downloaded the Hipstamatic app to my iPhone a few weeks ago and realized why everyone loves it: it makes bad photographs better. I don’t really care that it’s called Hipstamatic and that it probably pisses off those genuinely talented photographers out there, not to mention the poor few who are “holding onto film.” I actually had a Holga camera for a while which I loved, but Hipstamatic is just so damned easy. And it’s Hipstamatic, not Hipster-matic. If you want hipsters, go to hipsterorjesus.com. Or watch Charles Bronson ‘killing hipsters’ here. Or just go to the Biscuit Mill on Saturday. Whatevs, here are a few pics from the last week or so.
The “Joe’s Special” at Dias Tavern. So so so good.
If Franschhoek is Hollywood, his must be the Boulevard.
Making bacon, mint & pea risotto on request by a pregnant friend.
Hot diggidy dog at &UNION.
Hello. I am your rubber arm. I will make you drink margaritas with lunch at El Burro.
Mr Harry Reginald Haddon doing what he does second best. (He does wine best.)
Berne, baby Berne.
The start of what became a (surprisingly!) debaucherous evening at P&G.
One pack of eggs, one pack of bacon & potato rosti. The hangover-killer breakfast.
Someone was ‘kind’ enough to share an article from The Atlantic magazine titled “The Moral Crusade Against Foodies.” In short, it’s basically a 3,000 word rant on how foodies are out of control, have created their own false sense of reality and morals and generally fill pages (printed and online) with badly written soulless filth. Though the author, B.R. Myers, does admit there are the exceptions.
I skimmed the article, since it really does go on a bit, and couldn’t help but think how in one sense I agree with it. Yes, there are too many people snapping cellphone pictures and writing drivel about food. And there are plenty that take food all too seriously. I mean, I love food, but I can’t stand meeting someone who also loves food and then all they want to talk about for the next few hours is what they cook best or if I’ve been to this place or that or tried sheeps brains on toast with cayenne pepper and lemon juice (No, I haven’t, but it does sound worth a try though). Point is, some people do take it too far. Agreed.
But then, I also totally disagree with the article, in its case against food being almost religious, a holy experience. Eating can be the most decadent, enjoyable and satisfying thing you do, aside from sex. Thus for many not-so-lucky people, it is the most enjoyable thing they do. Either way, food has the power to make life better and those that ignore this are missing out. Simple.
Them haters can yack on about overindulgence and excess and other stuff, but hey, I can’t hear them over the sounds of these little quail bones crunching in my mouth. Mmm, tasty.
Not in any order. And for no particular reason, other than I just got thinking about how much complete and utter nonsense is out there. So the next time someone tells you they can’t drink wine because it gives them a headache, ask them what wine they’ve been drinking? Chances are it’s R20 plonk that would degrease the axles on a farm tractor with a small splash. Anyways, somehow the Rumsfeld quote came to mind while writing this little blurb: “There are known knowns and there are known unknowns. But there are also unknown unknowns – the ones we don’t know we don’t know.” Here are a few knowns…
1. Wine has less calories than beer.
2. Pasta is ready when it sticks to the wall. (No it’s probably overdone already.)
3. Castle Light can get you drunk.
4. The best dishes are complicated.
5. “I can’t drink wine, it gives me a headache.”*
6. You have to stand and stir a risotto for 40-minutes.
7. It’s possible to go and have “one quiet beer.”
8. The myth that meat is “sealed” when seared over high heat.**
9. Tequila is a harsh spirit.
10. Beer first, then wine, then spirits.
11. Hair of the dog doesn’t work as a hangover cure.
12. Meat Free Monday is going to save the planet.
13. Your girlfriend when she says: “Seriously, I just had two glasses of white wine.”
14. Anyone who says “I can outdrink anyone.”
15. A hamburger patty needs egg in it.***
16. Rinse pasta after cooking.
17. The freshest fish makes the best sushi.
18. Wines with no added sulphites have no sulphites.
19. Top chefs eat really good food.
20. Food bloggers know what they’re writing about.
* – no, it’s cheap wine that does that. (Yes, a very few people do have an actual allergy)
** – it doesn’t seal in any juices, browning it just adds plenty of flavour
*** – a particular hated myth
So myself and Simon thought it would be a good idea to throw a little party, to celebrate our Alphabetical wine and also give us a great excuse to drink a whole lot of it with a bunch of good friends. Not really a wine launch, since we’ve been selling it for almost two months now, just a good party. We wanted to keep it very un-winey, no pretentious restaurant, fancy stemware or tinycanapés. Instead we themed it carnival, threw up a tent on a private farm in Constantia, served the wine in tumblers and tucked into hearty coq au vin, made of course with the wine itself by the good sister at Cookshop. We also had the Lada Bros play some awesome music and had plenty laughs with a super cool photo-board done for us by am.i.collective.
Everything went perfectly, except the weather. It wasn’t just the coldest day of the year so far, but also what seemed to be the first winter storm. While the Lada Bros jammed hard, rain attacked the tent from all sides and people hunkered down under the heaters. Naturally the wine helped warm things up and we still managed to have a great time.
Attached are a few pics from the day, as well as what may be a world first: video tasting notes of Alphabetical by wine writer Harry Haddon, under the influence of helium. Spliced with a few clips of the standard issue mayhem you’d expect at the very end of a wine party… do enjoy.
And the video…
*Thanks to Francois Botha and Andrew Brauteseth for some of the pics.
Yup, the picture pretty much says it all. That’s Liam on the right, me on the left and our little porky friend in the middle. Finally I get to combine my passion for pig with the talents of Liam Tomlin, who is nothing short of a culinary genius.
The three of us will be hosting a class at Chefs Warehouse on 7th July where we will:
a) feast on a menu from heaven that Liam has designed, each dish involving some part of our good swine friend there
b) imbibe copious amounts of ALPHABETICAL, the wine I make with Simon Wibberley (read my good mate Jamie Who’s writeup on it here)
b) also drink a few other things – think local artisan cider, bubbles, etc
c) generally revel in the glory that is excessive indulgence
For a taste of what we’ll be er, tasting on the night, see the menu below, which I’ll be helping Liam prepare (aka staying out of his way in the kitchen all day)… Proscuitto popcorn
Oysters with chourizo
Pork cheek rillette with deep fried pigs ears
Liam’s “bacon and eggs”
Confit belly of pork
Chinese-style barbecued pork
There’ll be loads of food and drink and it all goes down at Chefs Warehouse on the 7th July. Cost is R450pp and there are ONLY 20 SEATS AVAILABLE.
For bookings, more details, etc, visit the Chefs Warehouse website here. It’s going to be awesome!
I get asked the ‘where to go for what’ question a helluva lot. Regular text messages like: “Restaurant recommendation please, bud. First date, somewhere cosy. Oh, drinks after? Thanks.” Phone calls where I end up discussing the merits of how important atmosphere is versus food. Emails from people saying they’re going to Paris and want to know where to eat. It’s cool to help out, and people generally seem happy with my suggestions.
Anyways, these days, you don’t need a black book, you just need a smartphone and The Google Machine. But I thought it’d be fun to throw down four or five spots I recommend a lot and for what. I ended up throwing down a few more. So here they are, 40 rather useful places to know about. Yes, there’s a lot that would overlap and plenty more to add, but this is just how I first thought of them…
