The Bacon Prayer.

One swine, which art in heaven,

hallowed be thy name;

thy bacon hath come;

frying will be done,

in earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And prepare us our sandwich,

a BLT feeds those whose hunger concerns us.

And lead us not into vegetarianism;

but deliver us from this evil.

[For thine is the crackling,

the ham, or the belly,

for ever and ever.]

Jamon.

The Hamburger: New York vs Cape Town.

Burgers. Not much can get foodies debating as much as burgers. Sushi, yes, and maybe pizza, but burgers may just be the most debated. They’re also perhaps the most sought after. I would drive (and have) two hours just to visit a renowned burger joint. I will wait 45-minutes in a queue (and have) to eat a great burger. I would pay $18 (and have) to eat a burger made from real Kobe beef. So the question is always asked in Cape Town: who serves the best burger? Well, I don’t think there’s a definitive answer to that. Everyone prefers their burgers differently. I enjoy an original burger, grilled medium-rare with maybe with some lettuce, cheese and bacon at most. Splash a bit of tomato sauce and some mustard on and I’m happy. Some people like the ‘gourmet’ creations: patties stuffed with stinky cheese, laden with onion rings, chilies, sauces or sweet jams. Not for me. Hence there’s never an agreement.

If the burger is American, then New York is its hometown. No city elsewhere can claim the mass demand and cult-like status the burger gets in the Big Apple. The place is teeming with outposts focused exclusively on the meat-between-the-bun favourite. There’s Pop Burger, DB Burger, BLT Burger, Bare Burger, Rare Burger, Better Burger, Blue 9 Burger, Burger Heaven, NY Burger. Put a word before ‘burger’ and it exists. There’s even a place called Burger Burger. Seriously. And they’re of all types, from big steakhouse-like restaurants to secret hole-in-the-wall joints. Take Burger Joint for example. You walk into a five-star hotel lobby, head into the corner and slide through a nondescript door into tacky little room where behind the counter two cooks crank out great burgers for $4 a pop. And it’s always packed. Or the Shake Shack, where the queue at lunchtime through summer is about 40-minutes. And that’s just the queue to order. They even have a webcam so you ca check the queue! Or the Corner Bistro, where you can get a (really good) 250g burger served on a paper plate till 4am. There really is no end to it.

When it comes to Cape Town burgers joints though, there aren’t many. And I’m talking burger joints, as in devoted to the burger. Hudsons is my favourite. The new guy on the scene edges out Royale (which has the ‘cutest’ interior in town), mainly because across the menu, Hudsons burgers are just better. I am keeping a keen eye on what’s happening at Gourmet Burger though, recently taken over by the Caveau & HQ team, but currently they’re not in the running. Royale makes one or two goodies, but overall their menu is awash with diluted patties and over-sauced burgers. Their saving grace: Uncle Morris (pictured below). I’ve gone with this burger for a comparison, since it’s billed as a ‘New York burger.’ A 250g burger with cheddar and bacon, it’s big, meaty and delicious. This is their best burger by a margin, and it’s really good. Cooked medium-rare, the meat is flavourful and really dominates, as it should.

From New York: the BLT (pictured top of post) from, well, BLT Burger, a small outpost in the West Village. BLT stands here not for the holy trinity of ‘bacon, lettuce and tomato,’ but for Bistro Laurent Tourondel, a fine-dining chef who’s turned his hand to low-brow fare at a few outposts (BLT Fish, BLT Steak, etc), and has done so very successfully. His BLT is a 200g patty with double-smoked bacon and BLT sauce, which seemed pretty much like bacon-flavoured mayonnaise. The thing tasted pretty amazing, not to mention being presented well. Do you see that neat little pink cow on the bun? That’s the Medium Rare marking pin. They have different ones for each temperatures, so no confusion come table-side. Clever.

What the BLT Burger had that doesn’t happen often here, was pickles. Or gherkins, as we know it. And these little sliced suckers gave it the winning touch. Most burgers in NYC have ‘em, and I think half the burgers in Cape Town could be improved with them. Salty and flavourful, they really add to the burger experience. In reality, while we do have a few burger joints in Cape Town and a handful of restaurants that can serve up a decent burger, we are a century behind when it comes to our devotion to this great item. We can compare one or two directly, but Cape Town doesn’t even hold a tiny birthday candle to the indomitable New York burger scene. Our craze for the braai is their craze for the burger, and we’ll never have it the same here. So we’ll just have to do with the few good ones we have for now. Or make several trips abroad each year to get a serious burger fix.

The RUB Pulled Pork Sandwich. (NYC)

(Before.)

I’m in New York for a week and I want to apologize. I’m sorry. Sorry because I just ate barbecue and I can’t share it with you. You can’t replicate this stuff at home. Real barbecue requires a massive pit smoker and a 150kg black American dude with a nickname like ‘Bubba’ running it, and they’re just in short supply in South Africa. But they are necessary, as witnessed at RUB, which stands for Righteous Urban Barbecue, and happens to be the best barbecue joint in New York City. Yes, having a barbecue joint in New York is a bit like having a farmstall in Cape Town: it just doesn’t feel right. Barbecue joints should be in the countryside. They should be in the sweaty, muggy part of the US referred to as Down South – as you all know from watching Jamie Oliver’s US travels and reading John Grisham novels. Anyways, regardless of this, RUB is freaking amazing. Their pork is legendary, and the chef who’s responsible for it (of course he’s from Down South) has won effectively everything he could’ve. Over 400 awards or something like that. He’s the Steven Spielberg of the barbecue world.

(One minute later.)

Barbecue is a relatively simple thing, and should not be confused with the Aussie ‘barbie’ or our braai. Barbecue is lathering meat with a spicy rub (always a secret recipe) or marinade and slow-smoking it for hours, sometimes days. Occasionally you splash some more smokey, spicy marinade on it, until the point comes where it’s slightly charred on the outside, but juicy and soft on the inside, the meat usually reddish in colour from all the spicy marinade. And it’s not just for ribs. Pork butt and beef brisket are the real winners. Barbecue joints also do chicken, turkey, ham, duck – even baked beans. And it’s a slow, patient art, this barbecue thing. But it’s ‘dang tasty.’ Then again, if you rub something with tons of cajun spices and smoke it for 10 hours, most things are.

I needed lunch, and decided not to go all out, but to take home a simple pulled pork sandwich. Basically, they smoke a pig butt, then gouge the soft, tender pink meat off with a fork and onto a roll, served with some gherkin and BBQ sauce on the side. That sauce is something else. Smokey, spicy and tangy with more seasoning than you could wave a box of Maldon at. Anyways, needless to say, it didn’t last long.

This is What You Should be Eating.

I’m not going to mess around. It’s Friday. We have very little time, since the Friday work day is actually only three hours long. And I don’t want to waste any of yours. However, if you’re one of the few people that work Friday afternoons, there is a treat for you too. Anyways, back to my point: just because winter is coming it doesn’t mean you need to get fat. Phew, that’s it. I said it. Now repeat it. It’s true. You can eat hearty, rich and delicious foods this winter without looking like a pork banger come Spring. You can eat well without the thought have extra gym workouts in September. You can even eat more… bacon!!

How? You just have to balance your fatty foods with healthy foods. Simple. Duh. Basically, if you’re going to eat a big, fat juicy steak with Bearnaise sauce, remember to balance it with some good greens. Pile on the asparagus and mushrooms. If you’re going to eat bacon and eggs for breakfast, think about a tuna salad for lunch. Or better yet, think about having your bacon in your soup, with beans, so you get your good tasty food along with the healthy food.

And that’s it. No rocket science. No “I’m Dr Fatkins and I can save you” BS. Nope. Just a simple concept that works. Like this simple recipe for bacon and bean soup below. Yes, beans. I hear the sniggers, but despite the thoughts of your duvet rising off you in the night due to increased gaseous exchange, beans are super tasty and very healthy. So eat them. Lots of them.

Oh, and if you’re ‘working’ Friday afternoon (and have time on your hands), here’s what not to eat…  www.thisiswhyyourefat.com

Otherwise, here’s my recipe for Bacon & Borlotti Bean Soup:

Ingredients:

1/2 pack streaky bacon, diced

1 tin borlotti beans, drained and rinsed

1 tin red kidney beans, drained and rinsed

1 tin whole peeled tomatoes

1 medium onion, finely diced

1 clove garlic, thinly sliced

5 carrots, finely diced

750ml chicken stock

1 handful parsley, finely chopped

olive oil

Preparation:

Saute the onion in some olive oil on medium-low heat for 10 minutes in a medium-size saucepan

Add the garlic, carrots and the streaky bacon pieces and fry another 10 minutes

Add the tin tomatoes and the beans, and allow to come to boil

Add the stock and stir to mix ingredients well, then cover and simmer for 45 minutes (the longer you simmer, the better it tastes) stirring occasionally to prevent sticking at bottom

Season generously with salt (Maldon, of course) and black pepper, and serve in bowls garnished with some parsley and a decent splash of olive oil

The Pig.

I am angry right now. Why? Well, because of a cooking class. It’s called ‘The Pig.’ Okay. Nothing else. Not ‘Cooking with Pig’ or ‘Preparing Pig.’ Just ‘The Pig.’ A class devoted simply to this great animal. Anyone that has been following my posts knows I am obsessed with pig. Bacon. Jamon. Whatever. All good. But that’s not the whole deal. Then there’s the fact that it’s hosted by legendary charcuterie man, Neil Jewell, of Bread & Wine. I love that restaurant’s food. Like really love it. And now he’s doing his very own cooking class. Wow. This is one class that gets me salivating. And they’re giving away a seat. Sick!

Then why does this all make me angry? The problem is I won’t be in Cape Town at the time. Argh! Why the hell does my timing really have to be so bad sometimes. Okay, I will be doing a burger reconnaissance in New York, so can’t really complain. But freaking hell, when was the last time someone hosted a course on pig??? All the other cooking schools go on about ‘perfecting the souffle’ and shit. Not Chefs Warehouse. There it’s just: ‘The Pig’ by Neil Jewell. Love it. But won’t be there. So now I’m angry.

Chefs Warehouse & Cookery School.

Cookshop.

This is a cafe deli on Hatfield Street just down the road from the Engen/Woolworths on Orange. It used to be called Sage deli, when it was populated by a tree-hugging vegetarian set. I don’t mean that all vegetarians are tree-huggers, but the previous owner here used to look like one. Anyways, the point is that it’s been taken over by a new team and with a new name they have brought in new ideas and a new level of quality – one that actually is er, quality. In the morning they have egg and bacon breakfast pies, served with harissa. Quite cheeky, the spicy breakfast option. They also serve smoothies, muffins bacon croissants (yes, please!) and something called a Green Juice. Made from apple, lemons and other green things, I tried it once and it seems to have the same effect as caffeine, yet it contains none. The last person I saw order one happened to be wearing a white kaftan and had a yoga mat under his arm, so you know this stuff is good. He looked very serene.

The menu for lunch here is a battle between sandwiches and the buffet. The sandwiches come with their homemade pate-mayo, which they used to sell out of at the Neighbourgoods Market each Saturday. Very tasty stuff. Especially when spread over roast chicken on rye bread. The buffet can have everything from lentil salad (with or without bacon, but take a guess which one was almost finshed?) to lasagna to curry. There’s a clear Middle Eastern influence on the buffet side, with plenty of spices, chickpeas and other flavours coming through. All good stuff, and the customers – a mix of designer types from Stefan Antoni office next door and flexible types from the yoga studio adjacent – seem to be enjoying it, as the place does a busy lunch trade.

Cookshop Cafe & Deli. 117 Hatfield Street. 021 461 7868.

Jardine (lunch).

I used to be able to say that I preferred Jardine Bakery to the actual upstairs restaurant itself. On previous experience, the upstairs restaurant serves excellent food, but too dainty and fancy a fine-dining experience for me to go back regularly. It actually reminded me of the opening scene for American Psycho where the robot-looking waiters recite long complicated specials that involve squid ink and Patagonian Toothfish. The kind of place where Patrick Bateman would dine with his slick-haired Wall Street buddies. What? Exactly. Anyways, I do enjoy fine-dining, but to be honest, I enjoy fine-dining the most when it’s rather a casual affair. Pulling into Constantia Uitsig spontaneously in shorts and Havianas for a lazy outside lunch is more my vibe than pulling on a jacket and some leather shoes and rushing to get somewhere in time for your reservation. There’s something great about approaching the finest eating experiences in a casual way that I do enjoy.

I had also heard some horror stories about the owner at Jardine that left a sour taste in my mouth, but then I guess one should never pay too much attention to the tales of others. And there’s always two sides to a story. So when I heard this week that Jardine would be open for lunch Wednesdays and Fridays I thought I’d give it a bash. I have actually eaten lunch there before – a friend had arranged his bachelor party meal there – and the food was excellent, but I remember poking my head out the window at some point and thinking all I really felt like was a pork belly & apple pie from downstairs. That and the fact that I spend R750 at a bachelor party without seeing any naked women left me marginally dissatisfied.

The world of fine-dining is tough. Restaurants in it effectively aim for perfection and when it isn’t met, they are slated by guests and reviewers. Having a look on the restaurant forums online shows that pretty much everyone is a critic these days. Jardine has been open almost four years now and has pretty much won most of the awards a South African restaurant could hope for. And after having lunch there I feel they deserve more. The food was quite sublime. Seriously, I had some pretty high expectations going in but they blew them out the window!

Firstly, the menu is not what you’d probably expect. They’re offering simple, honest dishes that are put together perfectly. Four starters, three mains, four desserts. Don’t mess around. The West Coast Mussels cooked with lemongrass, ginger, garlic and coconut milk were outstanding. Each single mussel was fresh, clean and tasty. And it was served in a charming little wax paper parcel with a giant bread stick. The Caesar salad had two perfectly crisp pieces of streaky bacon to go along with two perfectly poached quail eggs to go along with the perfectly crispy cos lettuce and some very tasty anchovies, delicious croutons, etc… The mains were equally impressive, a cut of Chalmar Ribeye beef and some Red Steenbras, neither breaking any new ground in food but both suggested the chef had mastered his craft, well… perfectly. I hate to use that word so much, but it is appropriate here. Even Patrick Batemen would be impressed.

Service? Efficient, courteous and knowledgeable on the food. Overly polite, if anything. Wines? Several interesting options by the glass (try the Lammershoek Roulette Blanc, further proof that the Swartland region is awesome) which is handy at lunch. And at fair prices – plenty from R25 – R45. In fact, I was impressed by the pricing overall. You could pull in for a light lunch of just some mussels and a glass of wine for under R100 if you felt like it. But why the hell would you?! You’d be better off being tempted into mains, several glasses of wine and maybe dessert. And coffee and grappa. Maybe then finishing it all with a good bottle of red wine. Just to cap a good lunch off and put you into a good afternoon coma. Nobody’s watching. Do it.

Jardine restaurant at lunch. Good advice is to go there when you have no work to do afterwards. Better advice is to go there when you can go home and take a nap afterwards.

www.jardineonbree.co.za

Detox.

Ha ha ha…. if you thought I was going to write about how I’m going on detox, you must be joking! Good one! No, I’m writing about how it seems that everyone else seems to be on detox. I know it’s probably a result of the overindulgent holiday season, but still, upon reflection, this detox problem actually happens all year round. People go on 30-days diets that would make homeless people shudder (who drinks water, lemon juice and cayenne pepper?) and then the other 335 days of the year they eat and drink like it’s one giant Roman orgy and expect to be healthy. Come now. Drastic diets don’t work. Everyone knows when you starve yourself the body goes into survival mode, lowering its metabolism and extracting more calories from everything you eat. You might lose some weight but it’s coming right back with a vengeance.

So what’s the secret? Bugger if I know. I’m not a doctor or nutritionist and I certainly don’t eat ‘healthily’ according to most of them. But I do reckon if you stay away from unprocessed foods – junk food, fast food and the like – you’ll be doing your body a service. I’d rather whack a finger of butter in an omelet and eat something real than use Flora (if you have this in your fridge you should throw it out) or eat processed foods that contain ‘no saturated fats.’ They contain no anything. Nothing. Just what nature has made, made unnaturally and then stripped raw of anything good for you.

Natural foods are what we probably ate centuries ago when the cancer rate was… well, I don’t think there was such a thing. We ate unprocessed things like eggs, and butter and meat and bread and pasta – yes, wheat is fucking tasty and you must eat the stuff, even after 6 o’clock! True, red meat should be limited, but that is why we have sushi. And roast chicken. And most Asian food, for that matter. It’s no surprise those in the East live the longest and have the lowest rates of cancer and heart disease. Firstly they eat little amounts of meat* and secondly they just eat very little in general. And every time I eat spicy Asian food I lose about 5kg’s the next day. Sometime within the hour. So I know it’s pretty quick on the weight-loss thing too.

The same goes with alcohol. When was the last time you got absolutely hammered on good quality beer or wine? And I’m not talking Castle Lager or Nederburg Lyric. I’m talking a small-brew like Jack Black or a wine that cost more than R70. Something that hasn’t been adjusted with various chemicals and additives to make it palatable. Try it and see what your hangover is like. You’ll probably find you’re a bit hazy the next morning, but you certainly won’t have ‘the headache of Armageddon’ like you would after a night of Castle, Graca and Klippies & Coke punctuated with shots of Cuervo. Not that you can’t do that every now and then, but just note the difference. Basically, we should drink and eat natural products the majority of the time, not the exception.

Anyways, there is no real point to my writing here except to say that I think:

a) detoxing is nonsense

b) we should eat more Asian food

c) bacon is amazing

d) we should drink good quality wine & beer

e) there really isn’t a point ‘e’

f) is for food. mmmm, what’s for dinner?

–

* (Good) meat is good and anyone that tries to swing you the vegetarian route should be kept under close surveillance.

** Did you find a ** anywhere in the article? Don’t think so.

The Sound of Bacon.

I got really excited this morning when I was cooking up some bacon so I decided to record the sound… Yup, good sliced streaky bacon from Raith’s Gourmet Deli (Gardens Centre) cooked in my stainless skillet over medium-low heat, best for crisping (although done in the oven on a tray under the grill works pretty awesome too). Anyways, this might be the MOST beautiful sound in the world. Mozart was apparently inspired by this sound when he wrote Eine Kleine Nachmuzik. Spielberg made Close Encounters of the Third Kind as an homage to the sound of bacon frying. And apparently Picasso uttered “el beicon” when asked what inspired him to do great art. None of this is true, but if you listen closely (click below)… is that… is that the sound of angels???

http://chirb.it/m2H2vG

Eat In Produce Awards 2010

For the Eat In Produce Awards 2010, I’m nominating The Food & Wine Creative Co’s flavoured pate-mayonnaise range sold at the Neighbourgoods Market on Saturdays in Cape Town. They are ridiculously delicious, and I’ve used them as a spread on sandwiches, as a dip or with grilled meats. Though you could basically spoon this stuff out the jar and be in foodie heaven. It would also be a good weapon for your arsenal should you get into a food fight. The basil, lime & curry has a kick of chili that if it landed in someone’s eye would really hurt. But if it landed in their mouth they’d be frozen, halted by the fresh, home-made goodness. The almond & coriander option is also winner (less for the food fight than pure unadulterated eating pleasure), and always seems to be sold out. And there are more variations that I can’t even remember, but they’re all superb.

A new concept as well as being made fresh weekly, without any preservatives. Normally I would simply vote for the streaky bacon at Raith’s gourmet deli, because everytime this hits the frying pan, a shining white light appears overhead and I can hear a choir chanting. But this year, the pate-mayo needs some time. It needs some respect. It needs some awards.

If you want to vote for your favourite product – vote here: http://www.newmediapublishing.co.za/EatIn/Web/Default.aspx